Running from insanity

The voices around me
Are driving me insane
Empty cartons of people
Fussing about futile things
Only talking because the silence
Is unbearable; maddening.

And my mind tends to abscond away,
Far from this world that trite, bland
To the lands where the people are valiant
And the water one shade lighter
Than in this world of plain gray.

Tales behind the tunes…

Music is one thing that has the most control over a persons life. One lyric and you’re enjoying yourself and the other you’re breaking down. Especially, love songs. The sad ones make you not want to ever be in love. They make the concept of love sound like the worst thing that could possibly ever happen to you. Then again, theres the happy ones. The ones  that make you crave it again. That make you want someone to hold you and tell you they love you and that you’re the one that makes their day. That make you want to feel love again. It’s like an addiction. You don’t know what its like to want it until you try it for the first time. The first time you fall in love, it changes you. It makes you experience things you never thought you could possibly feel. And once it breaks you and you fall out of it, sooner or later, you wan’t it again, you want the security and the comfort love brings. You want the love. And now, you will not settle for anything less. Because you cant bear to take any more heartbreak.

…but i want you to stay.

 

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Dear heart, its him…
Why him?

I over-think everything!

From how long it takes you to text back, to the song you like, to the things you do.
It worries me how much I like you,
It worries me that you don’t like me as much as I like you.

I’m losing my appetite and losing sleep.

I stay up all night thinking of perfect scenarios. And try to scrutinise every dip and curve of our good, not-so-good, bad, really bad kind of conversations.

You make me happier than I ever thought I could be,
And I’m also scared that I ever thought I could be.
It’s unreal.
Coudn’t you make it more chaotic, more bewildering?
.
.
.
Or Could you just hold my hand and tell me that everything is forever?
And be mine.?

And stop…  being confused!

Salt-water lungs.

drowning in tears..

drowning in my own tears…

Sometimes breathing is
difficult when my lungs
are filled with salt water
and my mind is filled with
whattodowhattodowhatdoido?

Well, Shouldn’t this emotion be so familiar?
I’m numb.
Disappointed.
Sad.
Confused.
There’s a bizarre feel of loss,
Loss of something that wasn’t mine.
Loss of something I thought was mine.
I’m scared. Broken.
This unknown strange feeling has over powered all the happenings of the day

and has left me with nothing but tears..
Nothing but the same girl trying to get over the hard fact… Rejection.

My First Prom.

Standing in front of the door, its him.
Nervous.
I hold myself confident as I go down the stairs.
Reticent.
My friend gazes with her narrowed eyes.
Tension or envy?
Butterflies in my stomach..
Those words she said run through my mind.

I flush, I look down…
Ashamed.. Blushing..
He stares at me with uncertainty.
Why did he have to ask me?

My friend acts so sweet.
If only she was always like this.
If only she knew the real ‘me’ that I do.

I smile at him as he grins with pride.
Regret and anxiety pierce my mind,
As I am being tortured with words spoken.
But it doesn’t bother me.
Hiding scars and hiding fears,
Appearing beautiful and unbroken.

He puts his arm around me.
We laugh the time away.
Sadness and her words are forgotten.

Finally, the last step…ready!
He opens the door for me;
And we arrive to prom with stares.
He grabs my hand, and helps me.
Our name is being shouted with awe.

We go inside with many girls in dresses.
They all are so pretty and so happy.
All smiles and laughter, no room for fear
A full time show with the stage following me.
I can do this.
*Deep breath*

As we were guided to the dance room,
I couldn’t help but gaze at the beauty.
Balloons, flowers, dimmed lights.
My first prom.

Time was passed right before my eyes.
Going by unnoticed with laughter, dancing,
Pictures and poses, compliments, friends,
Happiness…….memories to cherish.
My first prom.