Music is one thing that has the most control over a persons life. One lyric and you’re enjoying yourself and the other you’re breaking down. Especially, love songs. The sad ones make you not want to ever be in love. They make the concept of love sound like the worst thing that could possibly ever happen to you. Then again, theres the happy ones. The ones that make you crave it again. That make you want someone to hold you and tell you they love you and that you’re the one that makes their day. That make you want to feel love again. It’s like an addiction. You don’t know what its like to want it until you try it for the first time. The first time you fall in love, it changes you. It makes you experience things you never thought you could possibly feel. And once it breaks you and you fall out of it, sooner or later, you wan’t it again, you want the security and the comfort love brings. You want the love. And now, you will not settle for anything less. Because you cant bear to take any more heartbreak.
‘I want to hide the truth
I want to shelter you
But with the beast inside
There’s nowhere we can hide
No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed…’
Isn’t this true?
That’s a good question. As I listen to my music when I’m alone– my mind wonders elsewhere. That’s….normal for virtually everyone. So what’s holding me back from moving on? What I think it is, (that I’ve come to realise), is that I dwell….And once I start dwelling, it becomes a step-backwards because it’s hard to accept. Despite the fact that I am over the person, I haven’t accepted the fact that that’s what had happened to me. I always get flabbergasted at the thought of what happened…. and silly me, blames herself.
The position or state of being engrossed in a memory of the past. To live in a certain situation. Isolated as a lingerer, and subjectively proven to be difficult to get out of. That’s what I tend to do when I’m in my own world. Remembering the past. Going through what happened. What could’ve happened. What didn’t happen. And what was hoped to happen. Once you get into that state of mind, all hell breaks loose.
Negativity comes to play. Doubt. Confusion. Anger. This puts you in a position difficult to accept.
The attitude of identifying the situation and acknowledging it despite whether it was wrong or right, bad or good. That’s something that will indeed take me to the next step of moving on.
So what have I done so far to help fuel my confidence to move on?
I’ve removed all record of photos and archived to a space where I wouldn’t access. I’ve started meeting new people, hanging out with new friends, trying to keep myself busy and what not. So far so good?
In a nutshell, yes. Outside the nutshell in essence, makes me vulnerable. The unknown world of dwelling and absence of acceptance.
But the hardest thing to erase, is the memory itself. Actually, I don’t think it can be erased. A memory is a memory. If I was a computer I’d reformat myself. But it just doesn’t work that way lol.
So really, acceptance is the key. That then becomes the pinnacle moment of who I will become. In the end, it really is all down to me! I can either accept myself with a negative or positive attitude, or accept the reality of this world. And what’s that reality? Well, lets look into that another day…