What’s holding you back?

That’s a good question. As I listen to my music when I’m alone– my mind wonders elsewhere. That’s….normal for virtually everyone. So what’s holding me back from moving on? What I think it is, (that I’ve come to realise), is that I dwell….And once I start dwelling, it becomes a step-backwards because it’s hard to accept. Despite the fact that I am over the person, I haven’t accepted the fact that that’s what had happened to me. I always get flabbergasted at the thought of what happened…. and silly me, blames herself.

 

Dwelling
The position or state of being engrossed in a memory of the past. To live in a certain situation. Isolated as a lingerer, and subjectively proven to be difficult to get out of. That’s what I tend to do when I’m in my own world. Remembering the past. Going through what happened. What could’ve happened. What didn’t happen. And what was hoped to happen. Once you get into that state of mind, all hell breaks loose.

Negativity comes to play. Doubt. Confusion. Anger. This puts you in a position difficult to accept.

Acceptance
The attitude of identifying the situation and acknowledging it despite whether it was wrong or right, bad or good. That’s something that will indeed take me to the next step of moving on.

So what have I done so far to help fuel my confidence to move on?
I’ve removed all record of photos and archived to a space where I wouldn’t access. I’ve started meeting new people, hanging out with new friends, trying to keep myself busy and what not. So far so good?

    

In a nutshell, yes. Outside the nutshell in essence, makes me vulnerable. The unknown world of dwelling and absence of acceptance.

But the hardest thing to erase, is the memory itself. Actually, I don’t think it can be erased. A memory is a memory. If I was a computer I’d reformat myself. But it just doesn’t work that way lol.

So really, acceptance is the key. That then becomes the pinnacle moment of who I will become. In the end, it really is all down to me! I can either accept myself with a negative or positive attitude, or accept the reality of this world. And what’s that reality? Well, lets look into that another day…

Reason for my tears..

You will never know the reason for my tears
what lives inside
and haunts my dreams
the past, the pains and fears.

You will never know the reason for my tears
I will hide them
I will lie
I’ve done this for many years.

Accept that you will never know
accept what I will share
for if you knew the me inside
I somehow doubt you’d care..

I close my eyes (:

I close my eyes
I imagine us entwined
I imagine us survive
I wish this magic wouldn’t ever die

And it did
It lied and you never cried
Why didn’t you show more?
Who am I kidding- there was nothing more.

I’m broken inside
I sigh, you leave and that’s the goodbye.
Why did you make me want you more?
Who am I kidding- you don’t want this anymore.

And I miss us-
When I close my eyes-
I miss us.

Your scent lingers longer
And the stent of old magic overpowers the hunger.
The hunger for you.
When I close my eyes
You hold me still.
That old familiar warmth of you remains, still.

I’m restless,
When I close my eyes.
This love is tasteless,
When I close my eyes.

Nothing can hide my sadness
Even when I close my eyes
They open to Love’s fairy tales and
Our futures’ lies..

Something is missing..

Small things, just like that, while passing by, memories go, stroking me,
in the nights, bellow the pillow, old smiles, make me sleep..
It’s not possible to meet, but tell me this much why have we met then..
I can’t call you, can’t forget you, why is it so?
Everything is the same, but something is missing..
I dint know, you dint know,
Whatever happened without knowing..
Something happened, that didn’t happen to you then..
It’s not your mistake,
Then why are there complaints still..
I can’t call you, can’t forget you, why is it so?
Everything is the same, but something is missing..

You’re missing..