Trapped – Laughing At Life’s Ironies. Undeniably, bittersweet.

…It all seems like a blank page…. an empty canvass….a black place- dark and scary! Nobody’s around. I can shout to my heart’s content and no one can hear me- my pleas, sentiments, my non sense tell tales even. Suddenly, it dawned on me, I am alone, confused, terrified, and questioning- Am I supposed to be here? Do I belong on this bare pavement? Don’t I deserve soothing much better? A lot of thoughts are running in my head, contrary to the hollow tarmac that I am in. The silence is deafening but reassuring, and finding safety in my solitude…

Funny how comforted I am by writing melodramatic and dark posts, like I am someone emotional and troubled young girl in her teens! These are just exaggerations of my tormented heart and disappointments on life’s tragic turnarounds, and a by-product of my mind’s flare for thought provoking embellishments of words and circumstances.

Well, actually, I am just a plain drama queen!

Truth be told, my darkest hours are probably about frustrations on dreams yet undone, promises broken, caving and frightened on something immaterial and perhaps because of my uber analysis and pessimistic imagination of “what-ifs”, whining on my life’s stony road and feeling lost, hating my life-style (literally not) and the fact that I don’t bloody know what to do with my life (read: not being the person I want to be) at sixteen! (too young!)

Comparing your life with somebody is possibly not a good idea, but having a benchmark is for me a great push from being plain mediocre to be somebody who can make a difference. To leave a good legacy is probably what we all aim to accomplish in this world. And I believe not everybody is given the privilege. And I refuse to be not included on the few fortunate list. Thus the reason why I am so effing dying to do something epic in life- and start it by making all my dreams come true (that is getting out of this place!). It all seems so easy, you think? Bloody no! Even a mere grasp is still beyond my reach!

…And so as the sound of the leaves swaying and the kiss of the cold wind wakes up my senses, and brought me back to reality, I am slowly consumed with thoughts of bitter truths of how life easily come and go. Looking through an almost empty street overlooking my window made me realize of how one person and one incident can easily leave us hanging- without a warning, and there’s no way going back but move forward….

 Definitely I believe, we are shaped and are defined by our choices. My shallowness towards life can be irritating and non sense to many, but it echos my easy-going-attitude in appreciating even the most trivial and superficial things in life. Perhaps depressing over the past is too petty to be troubling when there are other more serious problems at hand, but the gist of this- which not many may understand- is breaking free from the grave events and circumstances in this world. Life in itself is already a serious business, and redundancy in dealing with it can be mortifying, so let’s choose the other way around. As I said, one wrong, clouded decision can change our lives forever. Nobody said, it’s going to be a walk in the park nor a stormy path, but dancing in the rain. The key is how you choose to react when things don’t go as expected.

 …Rain started to fall, and the maddening silence was filled with drizzles and whoosh breeze. From afar, I can hear girls screaming and running in the rain. My seclusion and deep thoughts have been invaded. And as the rain came in a jiffy, so is its abrupt stop! Indeed a close metaphor to life’s uncanny certainties. There is no use denying, isolation is my best friend, and melancholia is my sedative. I am safest in my own little world, and my burgeoning thoughts, my comfort zone…

As another day has come an end, so are the negative feelings and unpleasant memories, which now belonged to the past. We may have stumbled and fall, yet what’s important is how we came out strong and courageous after it. Yes, life is about dancing in the rain. Whatever’s the tune, enjoying every sway is what matters the most. And it’s totally not bad to be moving like jaggers!

Indeed, I am always lost with my thoughts, and perhaps trapped in this place- for now, yet I still firmly believe, I am free and liberated in many ways! Freedom can be overrated. But whatever it is, being able to run easily, go crazy, and do things I deem want defines exactly what independence and liberty is all about. It’s priceless and essential. (Thankfully)

Laughing at life’s ironies. Undeniably, bittersweet.

Fevered Dreams..


My mind’s a whirl,

  With crazy thoughts…

Of empty hope’s,

   And, feeling’s lost…

So many dream’s,

   Unfulfilled…

So many things happening,

   It’s so unreal…

I can’t stop this,

   Unforgiving cycle I’m on…

Of  nightmare filled dream’s,

   I’m so far gone…

Just reaching out,

   For anyone…

Gone forever.

Sound smothering me like a dense cloud,

Piercing my thoughts and shattering them as glass.

Shards of memory scatter from my view,

Gone forever.

Cold emotions stealing my heart like a thief.

Silently slipping in through cracks as a rat would.

Love no longer can dwell in this space, it is

Gone forever.

Vision blurred by fits of rage and anger

The sting of mans true nature burning deep,

Hoping there is one still left untouched and not

Gone forever.

Dreams..

Dreams, just a delusion, just an illusion… They’re nothing.

People dream of fairy tales like Cinderella, Red Riding Hood that always end up saying- “lived happily there after”.

But life, miles away from the land of fantasy…

Not a bed of roses! Comes up with many problems & difficulties, which we have to face, face them boldly. Happily, without any sheds of tears…

People wish life was a movie, where everything happened the way you want… “At a perfect time, perfect way.”

But still dreamt if they were true…

Everyone attain some or the other dream! Dreams related to success, related to family, related to future, when some related to love…

In a way- Related to HAPPINESS.

For few it’s a dream come true,

When for few it’s just a dream- ‘still a dream’

You live it, you laugh it,

You enjoy it, you behold it,

Yes, you dream…

You make it, you dream it, you strive for it.

You dream it, you dreamt it, you dreamt it..

But there comes a day a mistake breaks it!

Everything gets over…

dreams break like broken glasses.

Leaving behind those memories, tarnished scars, tears

& that never ending  pain…