Awakening.

There comes a time in your life when you finally get it … When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out “ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on.” And, like a child quitting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world from a new perspective.
You realize that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for something or someone to change, or for happiness safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that there aren’t always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you. Then a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

So you begin making your way through the “reality of today” rather than holding out for the “promise of tomorrow.” You realize that much of who you are and the way you navigate through life is, in great part, a result of all the social conditioning you’ve received over the course of a lifetime. And you begin to sift through all the nonsense you were taught about.. Slowly you begin to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin re-assessing and re-defining who you are and what you really believe in. And you begin to discard the doctrines you have outgrown, or should never have practised to begin with..

You accept the fact that you are not perfect ,and that not everyone will love appreciate or approve of who or what you are… and that’s OK… they are entitled to their own views and opinions. And, you come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a “perfect 10″…. Or a perfect human being for that matter… and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head or agonizing over how you compare. And, you take a long look at yourself in the mirror and you make a promise to give yourself the same unconditional love and support you give so freely to others. Then a sense of confidence is born of self-approval.

Silent Mumbling..

Silence
The language of calm

Silence
The indicator of loneliness
The casting out of one
From the larger group

Silence
The strongest form of communication
Known to man
And also the most humbling
The most sinister
The most debilitating

Silence
From a friend or dear one
When no words are said
Not even the raise of an eyebrow
It engenders worry, fear, panic…
Abject terror at such potential loss

So little said
No words, no sound
And yet the pain
That can be caused by nothing
Is indescribable….

The Nobody.

For what’s it worth,
We desperately want ourselves,
To be remembered,
To be loved,
To be beloved to somebody else.

In the end.
We are only somebody.
To somebody who really cares.
As to the rest,
We are nobody but everybody.

# Its this vicious cycle of the person you love not loving you back, but the person who is nobody, loves you like crazy!

Why am I so hard on myself?

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Confused… Lost.!

I felt a little lost entering 2013,
the same amount of lost I felt leaving 2012.
I just don’t get it, this thing called life.

I thought I was getting it.
But it still eludes me.
Maybe just a little disillusioned.

I seek truth.
To fight lies that always seems to threaten my mind.
But there still seems to be two voices.
There are always two voices.
And I hate that I always end up in that awkward middle ground.

Maybe this is everyone’s struggle.
Thinking we’re getting better,
Till something comes and knocks us down again.
Most of the time though,
I think, that something is me.
There is no one else to blame.