…but i want you to stay.

 

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Dear heart, its him…
Why him?

I over-think everything!

From how long it takes you to text back, to the song you like, to the things you do.
It worries me how much I like you,
It worries me that you don’t like me as much as I like you.

I’m losing my appetite and losing sleep.

I stay up all night thinking of perfect scenarios. And try to scrutinise every dip and curve of our good, not-so-good, bad, really bad kind of conversations.

You make me happier than I ever thought I could be,
And I’m also scared that I ever thought I could be.
It’s unreal.
Coudn’t you make it more chaotic, more bewildering?
.
.
.
Or Could you just hold my hand and tell me that everything is forever?
And be mine.?

And stop…  being confused!

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Betwixt

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Magic lights… it’s better as only friendship!

Between love and friendship
I’m waving like a lost ship

Between black and white
Grey takes away my sight

Between doubt and certitude
How can I have such an attitude?

I no more bear the confusion
Tell me is it truth or illusion?

I was dreaming when there came
A strange feeling I cannot name

Since long you’ve been my only mate
My soul only you can penetrate

Inside me only you can see
Like sugar in a cup of tea
Like the door knows the key
Like the flower waits the bee

Today it is clearly seen
In between I should never have been

To a strong feeling you were blind
Something your eyes no longer hide

To your best friend love you can fake
Not knowing his heart you can break

Salt-water lungs.

drowning in tears..

drowning in my own tears…

Sometimes breathing is
difficult when my lungs
are filled with salt water
and my mind is filled with
whattodowhattodowhatdoido?

Well, Shouldn’t this emotion be so familiar?
I’m numb.
Disappointed.
Sad.
Confused.
There’s a bizarre feel of loss,
Loss of something that wasn’t mine.
Loss of something I thought was mine.
I’m scared. Broken.
This unknown strange feeling has over powered all the happenings of the day

and has left me with nothing but tears..
Nothing but the same girl trying to get over the hard fact… Rejection.

You caught me over-thinking!

Over-thinking!

Over-thinking!

Lights off,

laying in my bed.

Can’t fall asleep or

am I choosing not to?

Change, maybe that is

what I am looking for.

Perhaps a different avenue.

A different outlook.

Go away for a while,

or go away forever.

Move on,

or work with what I have.

Try harder,

or maybe just give up.

Dance the night away,

or stay sitting all night.

Push myself to the limit,

or hold myself back.

Dream those endless dreams,

or stay wide-awake.

Ahh, who knows,

where either will take me

but maybe,

maybe you just got me

over-thinking

 

3:05 am

Chasing night.... probably over thinking!

Chasing night…. probably over thinking!

There are some nights I find myself caught by my own reflection in a stranger’s mirror and I stand there scrutinizing every dip and curve trying to understand how this all came to be.
The time of pain and disappointment have found a stable home in the lines of my face and it has altered the shape of it into a person I fail to see.
I don’t recognize myself and these endless thoughts tumbling around, so foreign that I fear they belong to someone else entirely. I don’t want them and need to give them back right now. Take them back!