Unspoken words..

10th grade
As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me. She was my so called “best friend”. I stared at her long, silky hair, and wished she was mine. But she didn’t notice me like that, and I knew it. After class, she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before and handed them to her. She said “thanks” and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.

11th grade
The phone rang. On the other end, it was her. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn’t want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, one Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said “thanks” and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.

Senior year
The day before prom she walked to my locker. My date is sick” she said; he’s not going to go well, I didn’t have a date, and in 7th grade, we made a promise that if neither of us had dates, we would go together just as “best friends”. So we did. Prom night, after everything was over, I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her as she smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she isn’t think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said “I had the best time, thanks!” and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.

Graduation Day
A day passed, then a week, then a month. Before I could blink, it was graduation day. I watched as her perfect body floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn’t notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and cried as I hugged her. Then she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, “you’ re my best friend, thanks” and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.

A Few Years Later
Now I sit in the pews of the church. That girl is getting married now. I watched her say “I do” and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn’t see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said “you came!”. She said “thanks” and kissed me on the cheek. I want to tell her, I want her to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love her but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why.

Funeral Years
I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my “best friend”. At the service, they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years. This is what it read: I stare at him wishing he was mine, but he doesn’t notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him, I want him to know that I don’t want to be just friends, I love him but I’m just too shy, and I don’t know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me! `I wish I did too…` I thought to my self, and I cried…

Courtesy: FB page: Getting wet in the rain 

Mood Swings…

Mirror, mirror mounted on the wall,

Which mind of this face will appear to all,

This multi-faceted mind of power,

With  the abilities to change from hour to hour.

The anxious, distorted mind of a ravenous pig,

Whose lies and deceptions are so out of control,

To get all it desires; to eat, slurp, and gorge itself full,

What a repulsive, gross, disgusting, gluttonous pig.

My guilty mind is not far to follow,

I must get to a bathroom, bucket or bag,

And purge, rinse and purge, until I’m empty and hollow,

Getting instant relief with a high to follow.

Sadness and depression, so heavy, so suffocating,

Bring tears of self pity, hopelessness and despair,

Never ending depression brings on pain so excruciating,

That thoughts of death and dying seem the only solution.

The happiness and giddiness lighten my load,

Until the inappropriate giggles begin to errode,

The happiness I felt begins to fade away,

Replaced with anxieties that my sanity may stray.

The anger, the rage, hit me square in the face,

A rage so intense, that I’m boiling mad, shaking and seething,

It’s spilling out of me as fast as it’s being replaced,

A rage like this I’ve never felt; a need to yell back, would be so relieving.

The reality sets in, that these moods just aren’t right,

Am I losing control of my sanity, along with this plight,

The inappropriate giggling and quick changing moods,

The depression and the powerful need to die, forces me back into solitude.

Between night and day..

301-sr-lake

Between night and day

The sun just beginning to rise

Slowly changing the color of the canvas above

From black, to navy, to blue

Flecked with streaks of red

It is a curious time

Between asleep and awake

Few out unless they have to be

Early risers and people of the night

An unusual bunch

Yet they pay me no heed

As I walk, around the brightening buildings

Between night and day

I find my peace

Online

Online

We talk, but we do not meet

We greet, but we do not touch

We share, but we do not hold

We befriend, but we do not go further

Who am I to know

What is on the other end?

The unerring trust of the web

Assumes honesty

But who knows, who can know?

It makes sense to be wary

To be guarded, yet how can I

When there is so much out there

So much wonder, brilliance

So much it demands attention

Requires an ever deeper presence

Sometimes, more than is wise,

More than is safe

But willingly sent

Online